lost in translation

I would like to begin our love making at breakfast.

The fact that my husband brings me toast and coffee to bed means that we’ve already begun our foreplay.

He’s going to be sweet and loving all day and I won’t hear any complains about work or long debates about what’s important to invest in, what’s not… I don’t want him to turn on the sports channel as soon he comes home from work. In the evening, my husband will prepare the supper, complete with candles and will shower me with compliments. He will listen to what I say to him and he’ll be interested.

After the supper – and two glasses of wine – he will start by kissing the back of my neck and tickling me behind my ear. Then he will carry me to the bedroom where he will undress me slowly and gently. He will kiss me all over once I’m naked. But starting at my face! And I want him to kiss my lips long and passionately. Then he can go down on me but he can’t rush it. It has to last at least 15 minutes.

Next, he will enter me, from the front so that he can continue to kiss me and then after some time, he can turn on his back and I will sit on his penis. We well make love slowly and wonderfully and he will be kissing my breasts and telling me how much he loves me…


I would like for my wife to act like a professional whore. I want her to be vulgar, perverted, full of lust. I want her to let herself be made love to in a threesome, to be satisfied when another woman licks her, to do the same thing to the other woman. I don’t want her to get upset when I am with the other woman, who will also lick my wife while I make love to her her. I want her to yell, "F*ck me hard" and so on.

I also want to see her getting on with two men. I want her to scream with pleasure.

I want her to always be ready for sex.

I want us to do it in her office, in the garage, to have her suck my penis in the car and at in the movie theatre. I want to spray all over her face and her tits. I want her to be dressed like a slut in a mini skirt and with no panties. I want her to wear pantyhose and high heels to bed. I want us to do it while watching porn and to have her tell me that she’s imagining I am with the chick on the screen.

Finally, I want her to not be upset that I really want to be with that dumb secretary from work. I would like for them to talk to each other. Seriously.


I found this in a Polish magazine last year. I translated it but, moronically, did not write down where I saw it first. I also made small changes. I replaced the male's accounts of "fuck" with "make love," got rid of "cunt," "cock" and the account of anal sex.